Splitting up is hard to do

     It has been a while since my last post. There have been many things that I have wanted to write about but I just simply haven't had the time. There has been so much going on, I think I will try to catch you up.
    When you are a parent, you are often faced with complicated decisions. Sometimes the decisions affect only one of you and sometimes they affect all of you. About 6 months ago we took our son to be evaluated at the Feuerstein Institute in Israel. After the evaluation they recommended that we bring him to their intensive therapy program for one month. At first, when they suggested this, I thought ok no problem maybe we can come for a month in the summer. That way, our other son will be done with school and he can go to camp with his cousins in Israel. My baby could go to some program with her cousins too and my Husband and I could take our oldest to the program. Unfortunately, that plan did not work for the institute. They wanted us to come right after Passover which is when they could fit him in. There is apparently a very long waiting list to get in and if we were interested we needed to grab the opportunity. After some deliberation and some convincing from outside sources we decided it was worth a try. As his parents, or anyones parents for that matter, we are of course willing to do anything for our child. We had heard amazing things about this program and thought, we have tried everything else, why not this.
    Once that decision was made, the planning stages began. One would think that with only 3 kids, the oldest being 7, it shouldn't be too complicated. One would be wrong! We were all going to Israel for Passover anyway so to have him stay after was not too big of a deal but then the question became what to do with our other kids. Should all of us stay in Israel for the entire 6 week period, put my 5 year old in school with his cousin, figure what to do with my 2 year old for the month while my husband and I attend the program with our son in the mornings. For me that would mean working all afternoon and night (on American hours) and the same for my husband. The other option, the one we went with, was to divide and conquer. Spend Pesach together as a family and then one of us go home with the younger kids while the other stayed in Israel with Yonatan and then swap half way through.
    We are now on day three of the program. It is 4 hours a day of intensive one on one therapy for my son and for us. Today he will also start a group program in the afternoon as well. He is working very hard and is exhausted. Truthfully it is tiring for us too. Sitting in four hours of therapy can really wipe you out. I don't think I truly understood until now why my son is so tired all the time. I now totally get why he needs a nap some times. I feel like I need one after all of the therapy too!
     Today is the day that I go back home with the two younger kids and leave my husband here with Yonatan. At the time that we decided what to do, it seemed clear to me that this was the best decision. When I am objective, I continue to think so. It really feels like the least disruptive option for all of the kids. My two younger ones can be in their routine, back in their own beds and in their daily lives. My oldest and the program we have come to, can have the undivided attention of the parent he is with and both my husband and I will have an opportunity to be in our routines and focus on all of the kids and jobs as well.  As I get ready to pack to get on a plane alone with my two younger kids  (neither of whom slept a wink on the way here btw) for a 15 hour flight, as I prepare to say good bye to my son and as I think about not seeing my husband for a month (with the exception of two days when we do the swap) I wonder if I this was the right decision. Intellectually, I know it is, emotionally though, I am not so sure.
     I warn you that this could be the exhaustion speaking. Jet lag was the first few nights, I was sick for two of the nights we were here and I know that when I land in LA tomorrow I have to turn around the same day and go to a conference in Chicago. Clearly, there is not much sleep in my immediate future. I will essentially be home for one week and then I am turning around and coming back to Israel for 2 weeks. I am tired just thinking about it, you might be tired just hearing about it... You think it is a problem that the thing I am most looking forward to is the return flight alone to Israel? 15 hours of uninterrupted quiet and alone time? Is it wrong to hope that there is not a single crying child anywhere near me on the plane?
     I hope that this was the right approach. I hope that my oldest will be ok and not feel too discombobulated. I hope that my husband is still smiling when I come back after living with his in laws alone for two weeks. For that matter, I hope that my parents survive living with Yonatan for 6 weeks because trust me, that is no easy feat. I hope that my other kids are comforted by their routine and that they are not overly upset by the separation from their brother and father/mother. I hope that my husband and I are not too lonely while we are apart. Most of all tough, I hope that I am not comatose by the end of it!