I figured many of you might want an update as to how things have been going on both coasts. So here goes...
Leaving was torturous. As we got ready to put our oldest to sleep the night I was leaving with the younger kids, my husband and I sat down with him so I could say good-bye. While I know he understood that he was staying to go to school there, he clearly thought it was some kind of punishment. He became hysterical and started begging to be allowed to go home. He even told us to "give him one more chance" which is the line he uses when he is being punished. We tried to explain to him that this was a special experience and that we were doing this so that he could learn more but to be honest, it was horrible. To quote my husband "He literally ripped the hearts out of our chests" that night. After a while he finally conked out from all of the crying. I on the other hand, felt exhausted from all of the crying, but had 15 hours of flying with 2 little kids ahead of me so falling asleep was obviously not an option.
The flight went as well as could be expected. My middle one slept around 5 hours and the baby about 6. If you are doing the math, you realize that still left 10 hours of entertaining to do! We made it home though and as my son crossed the threshold into our house, he turned to me and said "wow Mommy, it feels so good to be home!" I couldn't have agreed more. Unfortunately, I was only home for about 8 hours before I had to turn around and head back to LAX for my trip to Chicago. The fact that I was able to function as well as I did at that conference, considering the lack of sleep, was even shocking to me.
I can tell you, that while I can see the anxiety that my two younger ones have knowing that I will be leaving again soon, it was still definitely the right decision to make. They are back in their routine, happy to be home and thankfully over their jet lag. I am able to give them my attention and do special things with them. They are sad without their dad and brother around but we skype as often as we can and they are comforted by their routine. I know that had we all stayed in Israel they would have definitely been shafted.
Yonatan has also adjusted well to the program. He goes happily and it seems is learning quite a bit. He is the new mayor of my parents neighborhood and has been charming all of the neighbors and nearby relatives out of their chocolates and bottles for recycling. My husband tells me that it has been an amazing bonding experience for them and that he, my husband, is learning quite a bit as well about how to interact and teach our oldest. He misses us, and both of us are lonely without each other but at least we will see each other for 2 days next week.
Part of me is very excited to go back and be a part of the program. I am looking forward to seeing first hand what my husband is talking about. The other part of me though is so tired just thinking about making the trip again. I have been tempted a few times to beg my husband to just finish out the remaining two weeks so that I don't have to take that flight again.
The most amazing part of it all though is seeing how much we all miss him. Sometimes living with a special needs child can be extremely overwhelming. They can really take up all of the air in the house. You sit and wonder "what would it feel like if he were normal and just like any other kid, what would the house feel like then". The answer is, it would feel very quiet. Honestly, it would feel too quiet. Yonatan is a part of the fabric that makes up our home. Our home would not feel the way it does if he were different in any way. He is perfect and helps to make us the family that we are. Being without him here, for this long, feels empty. His brother told me last night how happy he is that when I come back from Israel next time I am bringing him with me because he really misses him. His little sister lights up at the sight of him on skype and my babysitter told me today that the house is too quite without him and that she can't wait for him to come home. I can't tell you how much all of that makes me smile.
Having said all of that, I don't want any of you to think that my house is suffering from too much quiet. My other children have dramatically increased their volumes in his absence. It seems that they were happy to fill the void!
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