I figured many of you might want an update as to how things have been going on both coasts. So here goes...
Leaving was torturous. As we got ready to put our oldest to sleep the night I was leaving with the younger kids, my husband and I sat down with him so I could say good-bye. While I know he understood that he was staying to go to school there, he clearly thought it was some kind of punishment. He became hysterical and started begging to be allowed to go home. He even told us to "give him one more chance" which is the line he uses when he is being punished. We tried to explain to him that this was a special experience and that we were doing this so that he could learn more but to be honest, it was horrible. To quote my husband "He literally ripped the hearts out of our chests" that night. After a while he finally conked out from all of the crying. I on the other hand, felt exhausted from all of the crying, but had 15 hours of flying with 2 little kids ahead of me so falling asleep was obviously not an option.
The flight went as well as could be expected. My middle one slept around 5 hours and the baby about 6. If you are doing the math, you realize that still left 10 hours of entertaining to do! We made it home though and as my son crossed the threshold into our house, he turned to me and said "wow Mommy, it feels so good to be home!" I couldn't have agreed more. Unfortunately, I was only home for about 8 hours before I had to turn around and head back to LAX for my trip to Chicago. The fact that I was able to function as well as I did at that conference, considering the lack of sleep, was even shocking to me.
I can tell you, that while I can see the anxiety that my two younger ones have knowing that I will be leaving again soon, it was still definitely the right decision to make. They are back in their routine, happy to be home and thankfully over their jet lag. I am able to give them my attention and do special things with them. They are sad without their dad and brother around but we skype as often as we can and they are comforted by their routine. I know that had we all stayed in Israel they would have definitely been shafted.
Yonatan has also adjusted well to the program. He goes happily and it seems is learning quite a bit. He is the new mayor of my parents neighborhood and has been charming all of the neighbors and nearby relatives out of their chocolates and bottles for recycling. My husband tells me that it has been an amazing bonding experience for them and that he, my husband, is learning quite a bit as well about how to interact and teach our oldest. He misses us, and both of us are lonely without each other but at least we will see each other for 2 days next week.
Part of me is very excited to go back and be a part of the program. I am looking forward to seeing first hand what my husband is talking about. The other part of me though is so tired just thinking about making the trip again. I have been tempted a few times to beg my husband to just finish out the remaining two weeks so that I don't have to take that flight again.
The most amazing part of it all though is seeing how much we all miss him. Sometimes living with a special needs child can be extremely overwhelming. They can really take up all of the air in the house. You sit and wonder "what would it feel like if he were normal and just like any other kid, what would the house feel like then". The answer is, it would feel very quiet. Honestly, it would feel too quiet. Yonatan is a part of the fabric that makes up our home. Our home would not feel the way it does if he were different in any way. He is perfect and helps to make us the family that we are. Being without him here, for this long, feels empty. His brother told me last night how happy he is that when I come back from Israel next time I am bringing him with me because he really misses him. His little sister lights up at the sight of him on skype and my babysitter told me today that the house is too quite without him and that she can't wait for him to come home. I can't tell you how much all of that makes me smile.
Having said all of that, I don't want any of you to think that my house is suffering from too much quiet. My other children have dramatically increased their volumes in his absence. It seems that they were happy to fill the void!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Splitting up is hard to do
It has been a while since my last post. There have been many things that I have wanted to write about but I just simply haven't had the time. There has been so much going on, I think I will try to catch you up.
When you are a parent, you are often faced with complicated decisions. Sometimes the decisions affect only one of you and sometimes they affect all of you. About 6 months ago we took our son to be evaluated at the Feuerstein Institute in Israel. After the evaluation they recommended that we bring him to their intensive therapy program for one month. At first, when they suggested this, I thought ok no problem maybe we can come for a month in the summer. That way, our other son will be done with school and he can go to camp with his cousins in Israel. My baby could go to some program with her cousins too and my Husband and I could take our oldest to the program. Unfortunately, that plan did not work for the institute. They wanted us to come right after Passover which is when they could fit him in. There is apparently a very long waiting list to get in and if we were interested we needed to grab the opportunity. After some deliberation and some convincing from outside sources we decided it was worth a try. As his parents, or anyones parents for that matter, we are of course willing to do anything for our child. We had heard amazing things about this program and thought, we have tried everything else, why not this.
Once that decision was made, the planning stages began. One would think that with only 3 kids, the oldest being 7, it shouldn't be too complicated. One would be wrong! We were all going to Israel for Passover anyway so to have him stay after was not too big of a deal but then the question became what to do with our other kids. Should all of us stay in Israel for the entire 6 week period, put my 5 year old in school with his cousin, figure what to do with my 2 year old for the month while my husband and I attend the program with our son in the mornings. For me that would mean working all afternoon and night (on American hours) and the same for my husband. The other option, the one we went with, was to divide and conquer. Spend Pesach together as a family and then one of us go home with the younger kids while the other stayed in Israel with Yonatan and then swap half way through.
We are now on day three of the program. It is 4 hours a day of intensive one on one therapy for my son and for us. Today he will also start a group program in the afternoon as well. He is working very hard and is exhausted. Truthfully it is tiring for us too. Sitting in four hours of therapy can really wipe you out. I don't think I truly understood until now why my son is so tired all the time. I now totally get why he needs a nap some times. I feel like I need one after all of the therapy too!
Today is the day that I go back home with the two younger kids and leave my husband here with Yonatan. At the time that we decided what to do, it seemed clear to me that this was the best decision. When I am objective, I continue to think so. It really feels like the least disruptive option for all of the kids. My two younger ones can be in their routine, back in their own beds and in their daily lives. My oldest and the program we have come to, can have the undivided attention of the parent he is with and both my husband and I will have an opportunity to be in our routines and focus on all of the kids and jobs as well. As I get ready to pack to get on a plane alone with my two younger kids (neither of whom slept a wink on the way here btw) for a 15 hour flight, as I prepare to say good bye to my son and as I think about not seeing my husband for a month (with the exception of two days when we do the swap) I wonder if I this was the right decision. Intellectually, I know it is, emotionally though, I am not so sure.
I warn you that this could be the exhaustion speaking. Jet lag was the first few nights, I was sick for two of the nights we were here and I know that when I land in LA tomorrow I have to turn around the same day and go to a conference in Chicago. Clearly, there is not much sleep in my immediate future. I will essentially be home for one week and then I am turning around and coming back to Israel for 2 weeks. I am tired just thinking about it, you might be tired just hearing about it... You think it is a problem that the thing I am most looking forward to is the return flight alone to Israel? 15 hours of uninterrupted quiet and alone time? Is it wrong to hope that there is not a single crying child anywhere near me on the plane?
I hope that this was the right approach. I hope that my oldest will be ok and not feel too discombobulated. I hope that my husband is still smiling when I come back after living with his in laws alone for two weeks. For that matter, I hope that my parents survive living with Yonatan for 6 weeks because trust me, that is no easy feat. I hope that my other kids are comforted by their routine and that they are not overly upset by the separation from their brother and father/mother. I hope that my husband and I are not too lonely while we are apart. Most of all tough, I hope that I am not comatose by the end of it!
When you are a parent, you are often faced with complicated decisions. Sometimes the decisions affect only one of you and sometimes they affect all of you. About 6 months ago we took our son to be evaluated at the Feuerstein Institute in Israel. After the evaluation they recommended that we bring him to their intensive therapy program for one month. At first, when they suggested this, I thought ok no problem maybe we can come for a month in the summer. That way, our other son will be done with school and he can go to camp with his cousins in Israel. My baby could go to some program with her cousins too and my Husband and I could take our oldest to the program. Unfortunately, that plan did not work for the institute. They wanted us to come right after Passover which is when they could fit him in. There is apparently a very long waiting list to get in and if we were interested we needed to grab the opportunity. After some deliberation and some convincing from outside sources we decided it was worth a try. As his parents, or anyones parents for that matter, we are of course willing to do anything for our child. We had heard amazing things about this program and thought, we have tried everything else, why not this.
Once that decision was made, the planning stages began. One would think that with only 3 kids, the oldest being 7, it shouldn't be too complicated. One would be wrong! We were all going to Israel for Passover anyway so to have him stay after was not too big of a deal but then the question became what to do with our other kids. Should all of us stay in Israel for the entire 6 week period, put my 5 year old in school with his cousin, figure what to do with my 2 year old for the month while my husband and I attend the program with our son in the mornings. For me that would mean working all afternoon and night (on American hours) and the same for my husband. The other option, the one we went with, was to divide and conquer. Spend Pesach together as a family and then one of us go home with the younger kids while the other stayed in Israel with Yonatan and then swap half way through.
We are now on day three of the program. It is 4 hours a day of intensive one on one therapy for my son and for us. Today he will also start a group program in the afternoon as well. He is working very hard and is exhausted. Truthfully it is tiring for us too. Sitting in four hours of therapy can really wipe you out. I don't think I truly understood until now why my son is so tired all the time. I now totally get why he needs a nap some times. I feel like I need one after all of the therapy too!
Today is the day that I go back home with the two younger kids and leave my husband here with Yonatan. At the time that we decided what to do, it seemed clear to me that this was the best decision. When I am objective, I continue to think so. It really feels like the least disruptive option for all of the kids. My two younger ones can be in their routine, back in their own beds and in their daily lives. My oldest and the program we have come to, can have the undivided attention of the parent he is with and both my husband and I will have an opportunity to be in our routines and focus on all of the kids and jobs as well. As I get ready to pack to get on a plane alone with my two younger kids (neither of whom slept a wink on the way here btw) for a 15 hour flight, as I prepare to say good bye to my son and as I think about not seeing my husband for a month (with the exception of two days when we do the swap) I wonder if I this was the right decision. Intellectually, I know it is, emotionally though, I am not so sure.
I warn you that this could be the exhaustion speaking. Jet lag was the first few nights, I was sick for two of the nights we were here and I know that when I land in LA tomorrow I have to turn around the same day and go to a conference in Chicago. Clearly, there is not much sleep in my immediate future. I will essentially be home for one week and then I am turning around and coming back to Israel for 2 weeks. I am tired just thinking about it, you might be tired just hearing about it... You think it is a problem that the thing I am most looking forward to is the return flight alone to Israel? 15 hours of uninterrupted quiet and alone time? Is it wrong to hope that there is not a single crying child anywhere near me on the plane?
I hope that this was the right approach. I hope that my oldest will be ok and not feel too discombobulated. I hope that my husband is still smiling when I come back after living with his in laws alone for two weeks. For that matter, I hope that my parents survive living with Yonatan for 6 weeks because trust me, that is no easy feat. I hope that my other kids are comforted by their routine and that they are not overly upset by the separation from their brother and father/mother. I hope that my husband and I are not too lonely while we are apart. Most of all tough, I hope that I am not comatose by the end of it!
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