When you are a parent (especially a working one) you are constantly being pulled in one direction or another. Honestly, most days, you are being pulled in multiple directions at the same moment. Making sure to always give everyone and everything in your life your full attention is no easy feat. To be completely honest, it is exhausting. The goal it would seem, is to prioritize. To line up all of the people and things in your life that need your attention and decide how to divide them and it on any given day.
As I am sure most of you know I am one of seven kids. Inevitably, when you share that information with anyone from a family of 5 children or smaller you always get the same questions "did you feel loved", "were your parents able to give you any attention" "did you ever do anything alone with your parents" and some more questions along those lines. My response is always the same, an emphatic "of course". I truly believe that there is no a limit to how much love a parent can feel whether they have one kid or 20 (that number inspired by the Duggard announcement today). No matter the number of children there is always enough love for all of them.
I can tell you what my parents did. They say that every child has different needs at different times in life and you need to recognize when one of them needs some extra attention and prioritize accordingly. I have always appreciated that approach and agreed with it. It seems based in good logic and hey, I turned out ok.
But... as it turns out, it really isn't that simple. That is a great formula when all of your kids have basically the same "needs". One may be a little more complicated or needy then the next but their basic make up is the same. What does one do when they have a child who is, by no fault of their own, needier than all of the others all of the time? How does a parent balance that childs needs with those of their other children? How do you make sure that the "typical" children don't feel shafted every day? Regardless of what any day brings it is a pretty sure bet that your "special needs" child will take up more time and energy. I would venture to say that it is a given that they will end up with more of your attention no matter what. What do you do then? Do you over compensate? Work really hard to make sure that the other kids are showered in kisses or candy or whatever it takes? Does carving out some time each week for alone time with them really help to ensure that they won't grow up resentful? What is the formula? Or, do you just do what you do and hope for the best? I mean honestly, doesn't everyone resent their parents at some point anyway?
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