I was a mean girl. I might wish it weren't so, but sadly, it is the truth. There were 5-6 of us in our clique in elementary school and it is a sad but true fact that when you woke up in the morning and got ready for school you never knew if you were going to be on "the in" or on "the outs" that day. We were terrible to each other and probably to those around us as well. It was not a pretty time in my life. Ironically, we are all friends to this day. I guess then that we weren't TOO bad to each other, although I would speculate that our parents would not agree with that assessment. I am pretty sure that it was in those days that my otherwise spotlessly clean mouthed father (a father of five girls, I will add) coined his well known and well used phrase "girls are bitches".
Interestingly enough, when I look back on those days, I am not super remorseful. I mean, obviously I wish I hadn't been mean but... OK, I can hear you thinking at this moment "really, what's wrong with her" but it is true. What I mean to say is, aside from being mean to each other there wasn't anything so horrible that went on. Certainly nothing along the lines of the Lindsay Lohan movie Mean Girls.
There is however, an incident from my childhood that I do to this day feel guilty about. I would like to believe that I have felt guilty about it for a long time and not only for the past 6 years, although honestly I am not sure. I remember vividly one shabbat afternoon having a playdate with a friend of mine from down the block. We were playing hide and seek and there was a girl at my house as well who was a few years older than us who had "special needs". I clearly remember being annoyed that she was there and complaining to my mother that she was "bothering us". I was probably somewhere between the ages of 6 and 8 if I had to guess.
Like I said, I would like to believe that I have always, since I have been old enough to understand, felt badly about the way I acted. About my intolerance. But truthfully I can't honestly say whether or not I have always felt bad or if now that I have a sensitivity to this topic I have guilt when looking back. What I can tell you for sure is that I very clearly remember the incident.
I recently had the opportunity to observe my son around many children. Some of them were related to him and some of them not. These were mostly children who know him but do not spend a lot of time with him as opposed to the kids in LA who know him very well and for whom he has always been around. I watched carefully. I wanted to see the different interactions. I quietly observed the various children and their responses to having him around. Here is my take away. It is so incredibly important to expose your children to kids like Yonatan. There is a certain sensitivity that exists just because they are "used" to being around him. I say this because I care not only about my son, but about your children as well. Trust me, it will be amazing for your kids.
I have seen this theory in action. There is a child in LA with Downs Syndrome that has been in one of the Jewish day schools here since early childhood. He has been in the same class with the same kids for about 11 years. It is amazing to see the incredible impact this child has had on the typical children in his class as well as the entire student body. He is just one of the gang! Trust me, exposing your children to children like mine will truly make them better people. They will learn sensitivity and patience in a way that is best taught by example. I really believe that if you have not yet introduced your child to a child with special needs, you should do it today.
You may not believe what I am about to say but I started this post because I wanted to tell the story from my childhood. I wrote it, because I truly feel that it is important to teach this lesson to children (and adults). Now that I have put it in writing I realize that it is also the perfect place to tell you about The Friendship Cirlce. The Friendship Circle is an organization that we are a part of. It is a place for children like ours to go and make friends, to experience the same social friendships that "typical" kids experience. Honestly, the friendship circle does exactly what I am urging you to do. It exposes your children to mine. High Schools students from many schools throughout Los Angeles (and the country) volunteer on a weekly basis to come and spend time with special needs children through a variety of programs. I can tell you that while my son is benefitting, so are the children who get to be with him. I can tell you with certainty that it is changing my sons life, but I can also say unequivocally that I have seen firsthand how it is changing the lives of the children who volunteer to spend time with him each week.
We are raising money to help support this amazing organization. Click here to learn more:
http://www.walk4friendshipla.com/yonatanmark
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